I'm a Big Girl Now

Roughly one year ago, I blogged on my seventeenth birthday. 

Naturally I should do the same at eighteen, right?

Woah wait, I'm eighteen?

          I'm eighteen. It's strange to think. I remember turning sixteen and thinking about how when my brother came back from his mission in two years, I'd be eighteen. I remember thinking that that was the strangest thing I've ever heard and that it would be forever until that happened.

But here we are.

          I'm already eighteen and my brother will be home in three days.  I'm a legal adult, I'm supposed to start deciding for myself and making my own decisions, and I can call in on those infomercials all by myself. I've got the power! I also remember thinking for the longest time that I didn't want to leave high school because I didn't know what to do with my life. Well, I still don't know what I'm going to do with my life, but I'm definitely ready to be done with high school. I don't know when exactly that I changed my mind, but I am ready to leave. So, add me to the list of those with Senioritis, because I've got a bad case going on here that's in dire need of treatment. And I'm sure a lot more has changed this past year, but I'm not going to go into a deep analysis of it. I need to start deciding where I'm going to go in life. I can't just sit idly by.  I can't procrastinate any more. I can't be all over the place like this post is. 

It's time for me to be a big girl now. 

Happy birthday to me.

:)

A Goal Well Reached.

The Troyplayers just got back from Drama State.

Out of roughly 25 schools, we took 8th.

That's pretty good. 

Personally, I just wanted to do better than I had in the past, 

to know that I had made progress over the years.

My goal was improvement.

• 1st year: I went to districts in ensemble humorous and solo audition, but didn't qualify for state. However, I hitched a ride with a group who had a girl drop out the day before. As a group, we made it to semi-finals, but it wasn't because of me. So, my first year, I didn't even qualify for state.
• 2nd year: I went to districts in ensemble humorous and solo humorous, and qualified for state in both of them. I was very excited. However, I didn't make it to semi-finals with either of them at state, but I had at least improved from the year before.
• 3rd year: This year, I went to districts in ensemble humorous, solo serious, and technical props. Let me tell you how I did:

       I made it to state in all three of them. Very exciting, especially considering the fact that I memorized my solo serious the day before, and my first round was the first time I ever performed it at all. I was ecstatic to be going in all three of my events; that's a big accomplishment. However, my main goal became making it to semi-finals. If I could just make it to semi-finals, I would have improved on my acting every year. 

            At state, ensemble rounds and technical props were scheduled for the same time, so I became one of those kids who was double-entered. This meant I would need to go first in one of my rounds, leave, and go last in my other round. However, you only do tech rounds once, then find out if you make it to finals. So, for my first round, I went and performed my ensemble, then had to leave to present my prop. I'd only have to do it again if our prop made it to finals. 

              After doing our first few rounds on Friday, most of the students went back to the hotel to get some sleep. However, some friends, my partner, and I stayed behind to wait for them to post tech finals. Around 11:15, they finally posted. As cool as our prop was, our presentation wasn't all that great. I didn't think we would make it. In fact, we had gone overtime; maximum time was eight and our coach informed us that we had gone on about twelve. All three judges had to drop us down a rank on their ballots. Even dropped down a rank, we still made it to finals. I was excited, but it just didn't feel real, and I didn't feel like that counted as reaching my goal. 

              Saturday, we just had one round left to perform, and I ended up having to use my little double-entered card again. It was stressful but fun having to do my ensemble quickly so I could get back to present my prop. Standing in the gym getting ready for the judges to come over, it still didn't feel real. It still didn't feel like a finals round. The good thing about that was that I wasn't nervous. And when my partner and I were all done presenting, we overheard the judges checking the times they got with each other. All of them had around the six minute mark. Savannah and I just looked at each other. Our final round presentation had gone amazing. We had never even rehearsed it together, but it honestly was an incredible presentation. We picked the right round to do well in.

           At this point, it became waiting time. We wouldn't know how we did with our prop until awards ceremony at the end. The next posting would be of ensemble semi-finals. Honestly, Jessica and I didn't think we would make it through. Not that we were bad, we actually both thought we performed incredibly well. We just knew that there were many good humorous ensembles, and accepted the fact that we probably wouldn't make it. We were glad to just have made it to state. It was Jessica's first year, and she was incredible. You can imagine how astonished we were when we made it to semi-finals.

I did it. I reached my goal.

               From that point on, I didn't really care what happened. Not that I wouldn't do my best and still try to win, just that I would be content with whatever happened from that point. My solo serious didn't make it to semi-finals, but that didn't matter to me. It wasn't very good at all; being serious is not my thing, but I was glad for the experience. Our ensemble didn't make it to finals either, but we weren't upset. We were both proud of ourselves for getting that far at all. 

               After lots of waiting, awards ceremony finally came around. Technical Properties were up on stage second, and I finally got to walk up on that stage and get a finalist ribbon that I had watched so many other students receive in the past. I was happy. Savannah and I stood on that stage side by side and listened as they called out the winners. They called third place, and it wasn't us. They called second place, and it was. We both stepped forward in awe. Ms. Ludlow handed us our medals, and all I could do was look at it. I did it. I finally got my medal in drama competition. I always thought it would be nice to get a medal, but I never thought I'd actually get one.

Quite an accomplishment, if I do say so myself.

           Now, I'm gonna be honest here on all the different emotions that were running through me. First, I hadn't been feeling all too well when I first woke up that morning. Then, I had been bummed out about one of our musical ensemble groups not making to semi-finals. Lastly, I had lost my phone. So, prior to going up on stage, I was not in the best mood. I was happy to have won second, but because I had been in this bad mood, I had a lot of different thoughts run through my head as I sat in those seats.

          First off, I was really upset with the person we had lost to. Not that I thought we should have gotten first, but that everyone in props had lost to this guy. When I found out about this certain information, I'll admit I was a little ticked off that this guy got first. It turns out that this same boy had won first last year with the exact same prop. However, he was able to bring it back this year because he presented it from a different show. How lame is that? Extremely.

          Second off, there were many other pieces that won first in their categories that I didn't think deserved it. It wasn't that I thought I should have won first in my categories, but I was angry that these kids did. Both in Solo Serious and Ensemble Humorous, I was angry at the first place winners. I had seen their pieces, and I had seen other pieces that were ten times better in both my opinion and other's opinions. I was pretty upset that these kids who won first didn't deserve it. 

But what can you do?

Nothing.

          So I'm over it. It may not have been fair in my opinion, but when is life ever fair? Plus, this is all just in my opinion. Apparently all of the judges opinions were different, and it's their opinions that count, not mine. Out of all these things though, there was one thing that was weighing pretty heavily on my mind: the fact that I had won 2nd place props with a prop I didn't even help build.

          I know I helped with the presenting of it, but I didn't actually help make the prop I was presenting. I felt pretty lame. I basically won a medal for being able to talk well. Which is kind of dumb because I hadn't even prepared that presentation at all. There were other kids there that had put in a lot of work on their props, and a lot of time into their presentation, and I just gathered all my stuff up the day before and winged it. I'm glad we won it for Savannah, though, because she really did put in a lot of time and effort. She really did deserve to win it. I was very glad that we won second for her, I just didn't feel like I deserved it all.

         And so, on top of all the other things that had happened, I felt pretty bad for winning a medal I really didn't even deserve. Now, I know this is sounding like a really negative blog post, but state wasn't a negative experience for me. I really had a lot of fun, being there with all my friends and competing one more time. It was actually the most fun I've had at state, because I wasn't nervous at all. I had worked on my pieces (other than prop) more than I ever had in the past, and I actually felt prepared. I was able to do my pieces and have fun with them rather than being worried. And I got to spend a lot of time just being with everybody. It really was fun. I even found my phone. I can proudly say, even though it's just a day later, that state was incredibly fun and the most fun I've ever had at competition even with the ups and downs. 

And you know what else I decided?

I do deserve that medal.

I deserve that medal for competing three years in drama competition, 

showing improvement every single year, 

and not giving up.

I deserve that medal for a goal well reached.

Stream of Consciousness

This will not be a fancy blog post. 

I don't want to put in the effort. 

Sucks for you, reader.

         My life has no structure. Okay, that's a lie, it has some. But probably not as much as it should. Definitely not as much as it could. It started with districts. I couldn't get my lazy butt to work on it at all. My last year, and there I was, memorizing my solo the night before. Why did I do that to myself? I wanted to do SO good this year, it's my last for heaven's sake! I went to districts seriously unprepared. As I sat in my first round, I considered giving up. I actually considered giving up, calling quits, and leaving the competition. But I didn't. My first time ever performing my solo was my first round at competition. To quote Hermione, "What. An. Idiot." But I went through with it. You miss 100% of the chances you don't take, so I took it. Good thing I did. I'm going to State with all three of my pieces. What a lucky break. A judge came up to me and told me that she went to my coach and everything, figured out my name, just so she could find me and tell me that I should go pro. She said that she's been judging these competitions for a while now and that every once in a while there's a gem, and I was that gem. That I was very professional and should never stop what I'm doing. If only she knew what I was really like. She wouldn't have praised me so much. Anyway. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just typing whatever comes. I had a wonderful Skype chat the other day. Worrying about my life looming ahead of me, I confessed to this friend that I felt like my whole life I've been on a train just following the tracks. These tracks have taken me all the way through high school, but off in the distance I can see the end of the tracks coming. If my train doesn't turn into a plane, I'll crash. Maybe my train will turn into a plane, but I don't know where it's flying. And if I don't know where to fly, I'm going to crash. I don't want to crash. If my train doesn't turn into a plane, I'll crash. If my plane doesn't know where it's going, I'll crash. I'm going to crash. I'm freaking out. But my friend said something that helped put me at ease, there's a reason for train stations. My train is going to stop, yes, but that doesn't mean it's going to crash.  It will stop, and I will simply get off and have to choose which plane to get on. And if I take the wrong flight, I can simply get off and correct my path. It's not permanent. I can change it. "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." There's no reason I should have to choose one and stick with it always. I can still be the captain of my soul without having to go down with the ship like a captain should. I'm not captaining many, only me. And as the captain of me, I am my own vessel. And in order to keep this vessel from going down, I may have to abandon others. Back to planes, if it's going the wrong way for me, I can get off and change course. She really helped to put my mind at ease with all this graduating nonsense coming up. Thank you. I'm so lazy, I'm not even making paragraphs. I'm becoming one of those lame people who aspire to do so much, but are too lazy to actually do it, so they sit there and dream about what they want without ever putting in the effort. Example? I want a 4.0 really bad, but here I am instead of doing my homework. Procrastination. Whichever ancestor gave me that gene is in a whole lot of trouble when I die. I don't even know what I'm saying, but I hate that I procrastinate. Whoops, I just realized I procrastinated something for tomorrow and I'm going to completely let someone I care about down. There's too much to do, I can never remember it all. And when I finally do, it's either the last second I could have possibly pushed it to, or already too late. I've got to change that. I hate that about myself. I guess the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem? "I am ugly and I am proud!" Spongebob reference. I'm strange. I'm surprised you've read this far. Kudos to you. Or maybe you're like me and have nothing better to do. Scratch that, if you're like me, that means you have thousands of better things you could be doing but still find yourself here. Let's just hope you aren't like me. I should get off, but I won't. Too much on my mind and I'm only skimming the surface here. In PEP, we used to do this thing called Stream of Consciousness or something. Basically, she just gave us a time limit, and within that time we had to continuously write what we were thinking. No stopping, just writing exactly what comes to mind, even if that meant you were just writing the words, "I can't think of what to write." Mine gradually went from something like, "I can't think of what to write so I'm just writing that because I really can't think of anything and I've gotta reach the time and my hand hurts but I can't stop even though I can't think of anything", to actual thoughts. Whatever was on my mind. Whatever I could dig out of my mind. No stops, just a long run-on sentence of items from my brain. I feel like that's what this is. I should change the title to Stream of Consciousness, but I won't. No effort, remember? Actually, you know what, I will. And I did. I don't even know if I'm even using that phrase in the right way, but I don't care. I already made the effort to change the title, I'm not going to spend more energy on looking up the definition. I'm so lazy. And I've gone on long enough. I'm done. I don't have any cool wrap-ups or anything. Not this time. My life has no structure. This post has no structure. We're done here. 

A True Fan

 I finally read Harry Potter for the first time.

(This was actually during the school year but I needed something to blog about)

And of course, I absolutely love it. 
I am now and forever will be a Harry Potter nerd. And by nerd, I mean this:

      Now, I know there's a lot of people who have been with Harry since the very beginning. Of course these people are true fans. I wondered for a while if I could be a true fan or not if I haven't been in it since the beginning, or if I still haven't seen all the movies, or even if I don't absolutely understand everything that I read in the books. While I wondered, I thought to myself I probably wasn't a true fan. And I'm sure many of those that HAVE done the things I haven't wouldn't consider me a true fan either.

But what does it mean to be a true fan?

      True in this sense is defined as loyal, genuine, or sincere in feeling. A fan in this sense is defined as an enthusiastic follower, supporter, or admirer of something. Put them together, and a true fan is someone who genuinely admires, sincerely supports, or loyally follows something. 

Who's to say I'm not a true fan? 

• I genuinely admire the inspiration found within the pages of these books. The words of wisdom mixed within this incredible story make it truly breathtaking. I admire the saga Rowling strung; she weaved an amazing tale in seven separate stories.
• I sincerely support the whole shebang now. I'm in the process of finishing the movies, I've signed up for Pottermore, and I have my own wand sitting in my room.
• I now loyally follow any and all Harry Potter ongoings. 

    

     As silly as this post may be, it still means something to me to consider myself a true fan of something I really love, that makes me so happy, and that inspires me. I hope everyone has a chance to become a true fan of something that does those things for them that Harry Potter has done for me.

.

(goose-bumps, every time.)

Productive?

I like to think so.

        Well, not to sound cliche or anything, but a lot has been going on. This summer alone, I have been able to do a lot of what I like to call "firsts". "Firsts" are things you've done for the very first time. 

Making sense?

So, here are some of my firsts:

• cracked a whip
• shot three different guns
• tried an Indian Paintbrush
• hiked the North Butte
• watched Star Wars
• played the Ocarina of Time
• dominated at spider soccer
• read a self-help book
• went to a drive-in
• hung upside-down on an inversion table
• made sign conversation with a random car on the highway
• discovered Butter Cake, the best cake ever
• completed a whole word-search book
• completed summer school courses
• free-fell 60 feet

        I love firsts. Really though, I've only been busy because of work and school. Yeah, summer school. I've got to make room for all of the stuff I want to do next year! Sometimes, I think I do too much, but really I'm not. My last post? Yeah, I've failed at changing any of my habits. Oh well. All is not lost, because the good thing with habits is that there's never a deadline as to when you can change them. The only deadline on habits is death. So, I'm trying not to stress too much over those.

I'm a bit of a worrier.

        That's alright though! It's just another thing for me to work on. Anyway, I'm rambling now.

I'll just end with this.

It's a Phineas and Ferb kind of summer.

Another Something I Thought Would Never Happen

My last post about my pen-pal started with the sentence, 

"Something I never thought would happen to me is happening in my life."

Well, another something I never thought would happen to me happened in my life today.

A bomb threat at my high school.

        Here's my story; I was sitting in seminary and student council had been in there passing out forms to fill out our votes for next year's council. Brother Williams walked in and said the school was in Code Red, and therefore we wouldn't be able to leave at the normal time. No big deal right? Just another drill in the life of Rigby. So we sat there, finished the lesson, and we were just talking and waiting to be released. Some kids were gathered at the window looking out, but I didn't think anything of it. Well, when Brother Williams came back the second time, we figured we could go. However, he announced that the school was still in code red, and all the seminary kids were to go out the back doors and wait there so we could head to the busses. 

        This is the part where all the kids turn to look at him and say "IT'S REAL?" And he calmly announces there is a bomb threat and we are supposed to go out the back doors. So we do, and we stand there waiting. Luckily for me, I had a good friend in that class with me. We went out the back doors and were standing out there, when my friend realizes that a cop is waving us over. So the two of us start walking to the busses, with the rest of the seminary building following. 

Then the man with the big gun tells us to hustle. 

And so we run to the bus.

        From here, it's pretty uneventful. You can't get much more eventful than that anyway. The busses took us to the junior high, where we waited in them for an hour hearing rumors about shootings and hostages and houses around the high school being evacuated and so on. Finally, we were allowed to go inside the gym and wait for further instruction. The junior high was still in Code Yellow at this point. One of the thoughts that had been running through my head this whole time was, "what is happening with my brothers???" I knew I couldn't do anything about Matthew at Jefferson, I had already texted my parents about it and they were in Idaho Falls, (apparently I was 40 minutes faster at getting the message to them than the school was), but I did know that I could probably do something about Michael seeing as I was at his school. 

        So I set off, trying to find a way to get to him. I found out for sure that they were in Code Yellow, so I knew that he couldn't go anywhere. Then, they made the announcement that kids who normally walk home could go ahead and leave at 3:35. I knew right then and there that he would try to walk to my dad's office at Community Care. I needed to find him fast if I wanted to at all. And I did. However, the main office totally ignored me. I left the office and stood outside, telling that same good friend that they wouldn't listen to me. Almost at that same time, my friend is looking over at the doors. I glance that way, and see Michael walking by. So I hurry over to him, and when he sees me he gives me a big hug. 

I don't blame him. I hugged back.

       After this, we walked to my good friend's house, where his mom took Michael and I back to the high school so I could grab my car. I dropped Michael off at home, made sure Matthew was fine, and headed off to my first day back at work. So. I'm not traumatized. I was scared, but I'm pretty proud of the fact that I didn't panic. I texted both my parents, I kept tabs on my siblings, and I had a good friend to keep me company and keep me calm through it. I'm not scarred for life. In fact, I'm smiling as I type this. Oh, and the bomb? Turns out the threat was a fake, the caller was a fraud, and the school was not going to explode at all. What I have to say is this; in the words of Betty Meeks, 

"All in all, it's been a real unusual day for here."

My Perfect Pen-Pal

Something I never thought would happen to me is happening in my life.

I have a legitimate pen-pal.

And she is perfect.

Meet TAYLOR BEVAN.

          In other words, my Australian sister. She was here in Rigby for a few months as a foreign exchange student, and at times it saddens me to think that I only knew her for the last two of those months that she was here. BUT THEN I THINK AGAIN. Because it would be even more sad for me to not acknowledge how lucky I am to have known her at all. And now that she is back in Australia, I've had all these moments where I think, "if Taylor were here I'd be talking to her about this right now."

Pretty much goes without saying that I miss her.

          But I despair not! Why? Because back around Valentine's Day, I sent her a surprise letter in the mail to start our pen-pal-ship. And just recently, she sent me back a notebook that contained her reply, along with the explanation of her brilliant idea of us keeping a pen-pal journal to send back and forth. Starting to see why she's perfect? Soon, I will be sending my reply back to her, and we will continue on until we fill this journal, and many more to come. Thus begins our pen-pal journey.

What an amazing thing to have in my life. 

          This girl has inspired me so much. And she never fails to amaze me in all that she does. She is magnificent, remarkable, kind, beautiful (obviously), intelligent, wise, caring, fun, hilarious, inspiring (as I said before), talented, heartfelt, and a joy to all those who know her. Honestly, I could continue that list on for quite a while, but when I start thinking of how to describe her... well words just don't really do her justice. They are such small things to describe such a great soul. She is so incredible. And now that I've been able to express a small portion of my feelings for her, I just have one last thought on my mind...

Who gets to keep the journals?