The Christmas Sweater

This post will probably be the most selfish, just for me post that I will hopefully ever write.

I have not been happy. 

Now don't get me wrong, I've most definitely had my happy moments, happy days, and happy times. But when I am alone, just by myself, my smile has been gone. This has been a very strange experience for me for the past little while. I haven't known what to do. I was able to be completely happily myself in the happy moments, but in the quiet moments I just didn't understand why I wasn't happy. 

Today, I figured it out.

I figured it out, because I spent all today reading this book.

This is the first book that I have EVER cried while reading. Maybe it's because my emotions were running high, maybe it's because the book is amazing, maybe it's because I'm weird, but this book is the first to ever make me cry. It has some really deep profound stuff in it. Some stuff I really needed to hear.

There's one part that talks about a storm...

"I can't. I'll just wait until it passes, I'm safe here."

"Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing that you are worthy of the trip."

"Am I worthy?"

"Yes. Unquestionably, irrevocably yes."

"Does everyone have to go through the storm?"

"Yes, sooner or later. But no one has ever been lost to the storm, just lost in it. 

What most people don't realize is that you don't have to fight the storm,

 you just have to stop feeding it; stop giving it power over you."

"Will there be other storms?"

"Yes. Unquestionably, irrevocably yes."

"What if next time I'm too afraid?"

"Remember, no one who has passed through the storm has ever regretted the journey. 

No one ever stands here and wishes to go back to the other side."

I have been lost in my storm. A storm I have created for myself. But luckily, I haven't lost to it. In fact, after tonight, I'm pretty sure I will be coming out of it. In fact, I think I already am, because as I type this, I'm smiling. And it's a smile that's purely for me. Because guess what, right now, I'm happy. 

I plan on keeping it that way.

Will there be other storms? Of course, and I very well know there will be. But guess what world? I think I'm ready for them now. I have family, I have friends, and most of all, I have me. And nobody but me can keep me truly happy. I am making changes so that I can stay happy too. Am I happy?

Yes. Unquestionably, irrevocably yes.

Like a Flamingo

I love Sunday. 

                Today, we talked about flamingos. Did you know flamingos aren't just naturally pink? Some are lighter, some are darker, some can even be white. Flamingos are only pink when they eat the right nutrients that their bodies need to produce their pink pigment.

I want to feast like a flamingo.

              Flamingos aren't ashamed of their pink color. If they eat right, you can tell because they will be florescent pink. They don't try to hide their pink color, that's what makes them unique! No one really wants to see a white flamingo, or a light pink one, we want to see bright pink pretty healthy flamingos!

I want to feast like a flamingo.

             Now, put this in a gospel (or life) perspective. When you are doing the right things, the things you love, and make you happy, it shows in your countenance. People see it. People can see when you just have the glow of life around you.

I want to feast like a flamingo.

             Don't be ashamed of your color. Do what makes you happy, and what makes you glow. Remember to be like a flamingo. Be happy with who you are, and do what you love! Only then can you really be happy. I've found that there are always things that have to be done. And even though you have to do them, they may not be something you want to do. Yet, they have to be done. The important thing is to make sure there is time for YOU between all those things. A flamingo has to eat, but the happy ones eat what makes them shine their brightest. Do what makes you shine YOUR brightest.

Feast like a flamingo.

Dancing Queen

Today, I am the dancing queen, only seventeen. :)

Today I have had phone calls, texts, notes, facebook posts, recordings, visitors, and even a video all to wish me happy birthday. Talk about feeling loved! Thank you everyone! I am having one extremely happy birthday because of you all. In just one year, from sixteen to seventeen, so much has happened! I've been in five plays, been to five school dances, met so many new amazing people, and most of all, I've found out so much about myself. So today, I will celebrate life, and I will be the dancing queen.

Christmas

CHRISTMAS!

Hurrah for Christmas! It came waaaaaay fast this year; time just slid by.

It has been a much different Christmas for me this year because honestly, I couldn't think of anything I really wanted. I mean, there were things I wanted like a new pair of pants and new tennis shoes for aerobics and things like that, but those aren't fun things that you want to ask for on Christmas! So I really struggled trying to think of something I wanted. My parents kept asking me and asking me what I wanted for Christmas and I just honestly didn't know what to tell them. Which makes it that much harder that my birthday is tomorrow. I'm supposed to provide them with a list of things they can give me that can cover two days worth of gifts? Needless to say, that isn't going to happen. I wasn't able to give them a list of what I wanted this year, because there really wasn't anything I did want. This Christmas helped me realize something very important, I already have EVERYTHING I could ever wish for. My parents have already provided me with everything I could ever need and more. They love and care for me. I also have friends that love and care for me. The more time I spend with said friends, the more I realize just how great my life is. So, this Christmas, I've been thinking about how grateful I am for all that I have. What comes to mind is Josh Groban's song, Thankful. 

"Somedays, we forget to look around us.

Somedays, we can't see the joy that surrounds us.

So caught up inside ourselves, 

we take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for

what we know can be.

And on this day, we hope for

what we still can't see. 

It's up to us to be the change.

And even though we all could still do more,

there's so much to be thankful for."

Merry Christmas

I've Got Time

So. I'm sitting at home, and it's now Thanksgiving break, and all I can keep thinking to myself is, 

I've got time.

I'm playing my childish computer game, and I'm thinking,

I've got time before I really need to go unload the dishes.

I've got time before I need to go to bed.

I've got time before I need to think about boys.

I've got time before I need to write some letters.

I've got time to post something new to my blog.

I've got time before I need to work on my pieces for drama state.

I've got time before I need to think about my Thanksgiving plans.

I've got time before I need to work on my pieces some more.

I've got time before I need to compete and conquer at state.

I've got time before I need to re-memorize the Foreigner.

I've got time before I need to worry about Junior Miss.

I've got time before I need to perform the Foreigner.

I've got time before I need to worry about friend's birthdays.

I've got time before I need to fret about Christmas.

I've got time before I need to worry about turning 17. 

I've got time before I need to worry about college.

I've got time before I need to worry about my career.

I've got time before I need to figure out what I'm doing in my life.

So why is it, that even though I have all this time, I constantly worry about it anyway?

Because these are the things on my mind.

Not to mention family.

Now I've decided something. If I wanted to change one of these things, I could. I worry about them because I care about them. Because I care about all of them, I don't want to get rid of any of them. So I've now decided that I just need to take the time to do one thing at a time, and that if I focus on just one thing at a time, then I don't get overwhelmed and I am able to more fully give all of my focus to said thing. That's what I'm going to do from now on, take the one-thing-at-a-time philosophy literally.

And I think I'll start with sleep. 

Districts!

GUESS WHO IS COMPETING IN COEUR D'ALENE

Yeah. That's right. In solo humorous AND ensemble humorous.

DOMINATE STATE! 

GO RIGBY!

Don't Miss It

Okay. So it's been a while. But that's alright, nothing super important or big has happened. 

Well, nothing except this...

Now that's what's up.