I Put the Pro in Procrastinator

I should obviously not drink Mountain Dew anymore.

Especially not when I'm trying to stay awake to write a speech.

I'm so ADD right now that I can't even focus on my work.

Hence this short, irrelevant blog post.

I put the pro in procrastinator.

This isn't good.

I worked until 10:30 on a poetry project for English.

Definitely the less-important homework to be done.

I had to make sure it was absolutely A worthy.

This was before I even got the Mountain Dew.

I put the pro in procrastinator.

This isn't good.

I went to my grandparent's for dinner tonight as well.

Of course I'd go with my family to eat dinner there.

I love my grandma and grandpa.

I should have brought my homework along though.

I put the pro in procrastinator.

This isn't good.

I am making this blog post much longer than it really needs to be.

I just changed the screen to homework because I thought my mom was coming.

I didn't want her to see that I was writing a blog post instead of working.

I am ashamed; not enough to go back to work though apparently.

I put the pro in procrastinator.

This isn't good.

Okay, I actually I am ashamed enough to go back to work.

And I know I have to finish this speech for tomorrow.

And the Scarlet Pimpernel is tomorrow.

And I reached five paragraphs, which is a good number.

I put the pro in procrastinator.

This is so bad.

Orange Juice

I just love orange juice.

It's bright, it's happy, 

and it helps you feel better.

Especially when you come home from a long day and find this

Isn't she grand?

650 Paperclips Later...

I made a chandelier.

Out of 650 or so paperclips.

And I'm pretty proud of it.

Why did I make it? Allow me to enlighten you :)

I am currently taking the dreaded Speech class in my school. 

It's dreaded because Mr. Cortes 

"demands perfection"

Seriously, there's a plaque in his room that says that.

            I actually really enjoy it though. As hard as everyone has said it's going to be, I am enjoying it so far. I've learned a lot about myself, listening, communicating, and things as such. I love the class because it is a higher level of thinking. I sit there and literally soak it all in! 

           Anyway, our first speech assignment is called the Shield Speech. In the medieval days, knights would decorate their shields to represent who they were, where they came from, and what they stood for. That's what we're supposed to do for our speech. Create our own shield that represents us, and speak about it in front of the class. I really had a tough time thinking of what to do for me, just because I don't like doing these things for me. Don't get me wrong, I love finding out more about myself because it helps me grow as a person, it's when I have to talk/display myself for other people that I don't enjoy it so much... But anyway, I finally decided I would make myself into a chandelier.

I have three points: 

a chandelier takes in light and provides it for others, 

is made up of many different parts, 

and is beautiful despite it's imperfections.

          A chandelier's purpose is to light up a room, and even when the chandelier isn't on, it reflects the light around it. It doesn't stop light, it lets it freely flow through it's crystal pieces. In my life, I try to always soak in the light and bring it to others around me. I want people to feel light and find light in my presence. I want people to bring people joy.

         It's all of the different parts that make up a chandelier, and it's all the different things about me that make me who I am. I am a whole lot of things, hence my earlier post about I Am, so I won't list a whole lot of them. Though the individual pieces are interesting, it's all the pieces put together that make a chandelier what it is. Same with me.

         And lastly, a chandelier is beautiful despite its imperfections. It doesn't have it's own light, it has to get it from a bigger power source. I get my light from my bigger power source: the gospel. Also, a chandelier's bulb can burn out. Likewise, I can get sick and tired and run down. But the good news is that when the light bulb gets burned out, you can replace (or in my case, recharge) it and the bigger power source is still there.  

These are the things I believe make me like a chandelier.

Here's to hoping my speech goes well.

Opportunities

 I truly believe opportunities are constantly surrounding us. Always. It's whether or not we see them there; and if we do see them there, whether or not we take them.

Topsy Turvy Broadway was one of the biggest opportunities I've had in my high school career.

 It wasn't the first time I've done an unpublished show, or the first time I've written something for a show, 

(that was Emotionography last year), but it was full of a lot of firsts for me:

It was the first time I directed something.

It was the first time I choreographed something.

It was the first time I rewrote a song for a show.

It was the first time I somewhat casted something.

It was the first time I wasn't completely prepared.

And, it was the first time I've ever sang in a show.

And now that it's said and done, I can't help but think of how amazing it was.

It's really a fun thing to think about how much I was able to do because of this show. I mean, how many other people can say that a parody they rewrote with somebody actually became a number in a show?

How many people can say they choreographed a dance in said show that actually made people laugh?

Not many, I'll tell you that. At least, not many high school kids anyway.

I'm lucky.

But then again, it isn't all luck. It was opportunity. Because of amazing people in my life, I had the opportunity to do this amazing show, an opportunity I would have forever regretted not taking.

My next big opportunity = directing a show. And I'm taking it.

I Am

I am tired.

I am awake.

I am alive.

I am.

I am involved.

I am inspired.

I am responsible.

I am intelligent.

I am resourceful.

I am accepting.

I am compassionate.

I am.

I am insane.

I am unorganized.

I am stressed.

I am a procrastinator

I am flawed.

I am a worrier.

I am lazy.

I am.

I am important.

I am cared for.

I am accepted.

I am loved.

I am.

Who I am and what I do are two very different things.

I am more than all of this.

I am Jessica.

I am. 

The Christmas Sweater

This post will probably be the most selfish, just for me post that I will hopefully ever write.

I have not been happy. 

Now don't get me wrong, I've most definitely had my happy moments, happy days, and happy times. But when I am alone, just by myself, my smile has been gone. This has been a very strange experience for me for the past little while. I haven't known what to do. I was able to be completely happily myself in the happy moments, but in the quiet moments I just didn't understand why I wasn't happy. 

Today, I figured it out.

I figured it out, because I spent all today reading this book.

This is the first book that I have EVER cried while reading. Maybe it's because my emotions were running high, maybe it's because the book is amazing, maybe it's because I'm weird, but this book is the first to ever make me cry. It has some really deep profound stuff in it. Some stuff I really needed to hear.

There's one part that talks about a storm...

"I can't. I'll just wait until it passes, I'm safe here."

"Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing that you are worthy of the trip."

"Am I worthy?"

"Yes. Unquestionably, irrevocably yes."

"Does everyone have to go through the storm?"

"Yes, sooner or later. But no one has ever been lost to the storm, just lost in it. 

What most people don't realize is that you don't have to fight the storm,

 you just have to stop feeding it; stop giving it power over you."

"Will there be other storms?"

"Yes. Unquestionably, irrevocably yes."

"What if next time I'm too afraid?"

"Remember, no one who has passed through the storm has ever regretted the journey. 

No one ever stands here and wishes to go back to the other side."

I have been lost in my storm. A storm I have created for myself. But luckily, I haven't lost to it. In fact, after tonight, I'm pretty sure I will be coming out of it. In fact, I think I already am, because as I type this, I'm smiling. And it's a smile that's purely for me. Because guess what, right now, I'm happy. 

I plan on keeping it that way.

Will there be other storms? Of course, and I very well know there will be. But guess what world? I think I'm ready for them now. I have family, I have friends, and most of all, I have me. And nobody but me can keep me truly happy. I am making changes so that I can stay happy too. Am I happy?

Yes. Unquestionably, irrevocably yes.

Like a Flamingo

I love Sunday. 

                Today, we talked about flamingos. Did you know flamingos aren't just naturally pink? Some are lighter, some are darker, some can even be white. Flamingos are only pink when they eat the right nutrients that their bodies need to produce their pink pigment.

I want to feast like a flamingo.

              Flamingos aren't ashamed of their pink color. If they eat right, you can tell because they will be florescent pink. They don't try to hide their pink color, that's what makes them unique! No one really wants to see a white flamingo, or a light pink one, we want to see bright pink pretty healthy flamingos!

I want to feast like a flamingo.

             Now, put this in a gospel (or life) perspective. When you are doing the right things, the things you love, and make you happy, it shows in your countenance. People see it. People can see when you just have the glow of life around you.

I want to feast like a flamingo.

             Don't be ashamed of your color. Do what makes you happy, and what makes you glow. Remember to be like a flamingo. Be happy with who you are, and do what you love! Only then can you really be happy. I've found that there are always things that have to be done. And even though you have to do them, they may not be something you want to do. Yet, they have to be done. The important thing is to make sure there is time for YOU between all those things. A flamingo has to eat, but the happy ones eat what makes them shine their brightest. Do what makes you shine YOUR brightest.

Feast like a flamingo.