A Goal Well Reached.

The Troyplayers just got back from Drama State.

Out of roughly 25 schools, we took 8th.

That's pretty good. 

Personally, I just wanted to do better than I had in the past, 

to know that I had made progress over the years.

My goal was improvement.

• 1st year: I went to districts in ensemble humorous and solo audition, but didn't qualify for state. However, I hitched a ride with a group who had a girl drop out the day before. As a group, we made it to semi-finals, but it wasn't because of me. So, my first year, I didn't even qualify for state.
• 2nd year: I went to districts in ensemble humorous and solo humorous, and qualified for state in both of them. I was very excited. However, I didn't make it to semi-finals with either of them at state, but I had at least improved from the year before.
• 3rd year: This year, I went to districts in ensemble humorous, solo serious, and technical props. Let me tell you how I did:

       I made it to state in all three of them. Very exciting, especially considering the fact that I memorized my solo serious the day before, and my first round was the first time I ever performed it at all. I was ecstatic to be going in all three of my events; that's a big accomplishment. However, my main goal became making it to semi-finals. If I could just make it to semi-finals, I would have improved on my acting every year. 

            At state, ensemble rounds and technical props were scheduled for the same time, so I became one of those kids who was double-entered. This meant I would need to go first in one of my rounds, leave, and go last in my other round. However, you only do tech rounds once, then find out if you make it to finals. So, for my first round, I went and performed my ensemble, then had to leave to present my prop. I'd only have to do it again if our prop made it to finals. 

              After doing our first few rounds on Friday, most of the students went back to the hotel to get some sleep. However, some friends, my partner, and I stayed behind to wait for them to post tech finals. Around 11:15, they finally posted. As cool as our prop was, our presentation wasn't all that great. I didn't think we would make it. In fact, we had gone overtime; maximum time was eight and our coach informed us that we had gone on about twelve. All three judges had to drop us down a rank on their ballots. Even dropped down a rank, we still made it to finals. I was excited, but it just didn't feel real, and I didn't feel like that counted as reaching my goal. 

              Saturday, we just had one round left to perform, and I ended up having to use my little double-entered card again. It was stressful but fun having to do my ensemble quickly so I could get back to present my prop. Standing in the gym getting ready for the judges to come over, it still didn't feel real. It still didn't feel like a finals round. The good thing about that was that I wasn't nervous. And when my partner and I were all done presenting, we overheard the judges checking the times they got with each other. All of them had around the six minute mark. Savannah and I just looked at each other. Our final round presentation had gone amazing. We had never even rehearsed it together, but it honestly was an incredible presentation. We picked the right round to do well in.

           At this point, it became waiting time. We wouldn't know how we did with our prop until awards ceremony at the end. The next posting would be of ensemble semi-finals. Honestly, Jessica and I didn't think we would make it through. Not that we were bad, we actually both thought we performed incredibly well. We just knew that there were many good humorous ensembles, and accepted the fact that we probably wouldn't make it. We were glad to just have made it to state. It was Jessica's first year, and she was incredible. You can imagine how astonished we were when we made it to semi-finals.

I did it. I reached my goal.

               From that point on, I didn't really care what happened. Not that I wouldn't do my best and still try to win, just that I would be content with whatever happened from that point. My solo serious didn't make it to semi-finals, but that didn't matter to me. It wasn't very good at all; being serious is not my thing, but I was glad for the experience. Our ensemble didn't make it to finals either, but we weren't upset. We were both proud of ourselves for getting that far at all. 

               After lots of waiting, awards ceremony finally came around. Technical Properties were up on stage second, and I finally got to walk up on that stage and get a finalist ribbon that I had watched so many other students receive in the past. I was happy. Savannah and I stood on that stage side by side and listened as they called out the winners. They called third place, and it wasn't us. They called second place, and it was. We both stepped forward in awe. Ms. Ludlow handed us our medals, and all I could do was look at it. I did it. I finally got my medal in drama competition. I always thought it would be nice to get a medal, but I never thought I'd actually get one.

Quite an accomplishment, if I do say so myself.

           Now, I'm gonna be honest here on all the different emotions that were running through me. First, I hadn't been feeling all too well when I first woke up that morning. Then, I had been bummed out about one of our musical ensemble groups not making to semi-finals. Lastly, I had lost my phone. So, prior to going up on stage, I was not in the best mood. I was happy to have won second, but because I had been in this bad mood, I had a lot of different thoughts run through my head as I sat in those seats.

          First off, I was really upset with the person we had lost to. Not that I thought we should have gotten first, but that everyone in props had lost to this guy. When I found out about this certain information, I'll admit I was a little ticked off that this guy got first. It turns out that this same boy had won first last year with the exact same prop. However, he was able to bring it back this year because he presented it from a different show. How lame is that? Extremely.

          Second off, there were many other pieces that won first in their categories that I didn't think deserved it. It wasn't that I thought I should have won first in my categories, but I was angry that these kids did. Both in Solo Serious and Ensemble Humorous, I was angry at the first place winners. I had seen their pieces, and I had seen other pieces that were ten times better in both my opinion and other's opinions. I was pretty upset that these kids who won first didn't deserve it. 

But what can you do?

Nothing.

          So I'm over it. It may not have been fair in my opinion, but when is life ever fair? Plus, this is all just in my opinion. Apparently all of the judges opinions were different, and it's their opinions that count, not mine. Out of all these things though, there was one thing that was weighing pretty heavily on my mind: the fact that I had won 2nd place props with a prop I didn't even help build.

          I know I helped with the presenting of it, but I didn't actually help make the prop I was presenting. I felt pretty lame. I basically won a medal for being able to talk well. Which is kind of dumb because I hadn't even prepared that presentation at all. There were other kids there that had put in a lot of work on their props, and a lot of time into their presentation, and I just gathered all my stuff up the day before and winged it. I'm glad we won it for Savannah, though, because she really did put in a lot of time and effort. She really did deserve to win it. I was very glad that we won second for her, I just didn't feel like I deserved it all.

         And so, on top of all the other things that had happened, I felt pretty bad for winning a medal I really didn't even deserve. Now, I know this is sounding like a really negative blog post, but state wasn't a negative experience for me. I really had a lot of fun, being there with all my friends and competing one more time. It was actually the most fun I've had at state, because I wasn't nervous at all. I had worked on my pieces (other than prop) more than I ever had in the past, and I actually felt prepared. I was able to do my pieces and have fun with them rather than being worried. And I got to spend a lot of time just being with everybody. It really was fun. I even found my phone. I can proudly say, even though it's just a day later, that state was incredibly fun and the most fun I've ever had at competition even with the ups and downs. 

And you know what else I decided?

I do deserve that medal.

I deserve that medal for competing three years in drama competition, 

showing improvement every single year, 

and not giving up.

I deserve that medal for a goal well reached.

Stream of Consciousness

This will not be a fancy blog post. 

I don't want to put in the effort. 

Sucks for you, reader.

         My life has no structure. Okay, that's a lie, it has some. But probably not as much as it should. Definitely not as much as it could. It started with districts. I couldn't get my lazy butt to work on it at all. My last year, and there I was, memorizing my solo the night before. Why did I do that to myself? I wanted to do SO good this year, it's my last for heaven's sake! I went to districts seriously unprepared. As I sat in my first round, I considered giving up. I actually considered giving up, calling quits, and leaving the competition. But I didn't. My first time ever performing my solo was my first round at competition. To quote Hermione, "What. An. Idiot." But I went through with it. You miss 100% of the chances you don't take, so I took it. Good thing I did. I'm going to State with all three of my pieces. What a lucky break. A judge came up to me and told me that she went to my coach and everything, figured out my name, just so she could find me and tell me that I should go pro. She said that she's been judging these competitions for a while now and that every once in a while there's a gem, and I was that gem. That I was very professional and should never stop what I'm doing. If only she knew what I was really like. She wouldn't have praised me so much. Anyway. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just typing whatever comes. I had a wonderful Skype chat the other day. Worrying about my life looming ahead of me, I confessed to this friend that I felt like my whole life I've been on a train just following the tracks. These tracks have taken me all the way through high school, but off in the distance I can see the end of the tracks coming. If my train doesn't turn into a plane, I'll crash. Maybe my train will turn into a plane, but I don't know where it's flying. And if I don't know where to fly, I'm going to crash. I don't want to crash. If my train doesn't turn into a plane, I'll crash. If my plane doesn't know where it's going, I'll crash. I'm going to crash. I'm freaking out. But my friend said something that helped put me at ease, there's a reason for train stations. My train is going to stop, yes, but that doesn't mean it's going to crash.  It will stop, and I will simply get off and have to choose which plane to get on. And if I take the wrong flight, I can simply get off and correct my path. It's not permanent. I can change it. "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." There's no reason I should have to choose one and stick with it always. I can still be the captain of my soul without having to go down with the ship like a captain should. I'm not captaining many, only me. And as the captain of me, I am my own vessel. And in order to keep this vessel from going down, I may have to abandon others. Back to planes, if it's going the wrong way for me, I can get off and change course. She really helped to put my mind at ease with all this graduating nonsense coming up. Thank you. I'm so lazy, I'm not even making paragraphs. I'm becoming one of those lame people who aspire to do so much, but are too lazy to actually do it, so they sit there and dream about what they want without ever putting in the effort. Example? I want a 4.0 really bad, but here I am instead of doing my homework. Procrastination. Whichever ancestor gave me that gene is in a whole lot of trouble when I die. I don't even know what I'm saying, but I hate that I procrastinate. Whoops, I just realized I procrastinated something for tomorrow and I'm going to completely let someone I care about down. There's too much to do, I can never remember it all. And when I finally do, it's either the last second I could have possibly pushed it to, or already too late. I've got to change that. I hate that about myself. I guess the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem? "I am ugly and I am proud!" Spongebob reference. I'm strange. I'm surprised you've read this far. Kudos to you. Or maybe you're like me and have nothing better to do. Scratch that, if you're like me, that means you have thousands of better things you could be doing but still find yourself here. Let's just hope you aren't like me. I should get off, but I won't. Too much on my mind and I'm only skimming the surface here. In PEP, we used to do this thing called Stream of Consciousness or something. Basically, she just gave us a time limit, and within that time we had to continuously write what we were thinking. No stopping, just writing exactly what comes to mind, even if that meant you were just writing the words, "I can't think of what to write." Mine gradually went from something like, "I can't think of what to write so I'm just writing that because I really can't think of anything and I've gotta reach the time and my hand hurts but I can't stop even though I can't think of anything", to actual thoughts. Whatever was on my mind. Whatever I could dig out of my mind. No stops, just a long run-on sentence of items from my brain. I feel like that's what this is. I should change the title to Stream of Consciousness, but I won't. No effort, remember? Actually, you know what, I will. And I did. I don't even know if I'm even using that phrase in the right way, but I don't care. I already made the effort to change the title, I'm not going to spend more energy on looking up the definition. I'm so lazy. And I've gone on long enough. I'm done. I don't have any cool wrap-ups or anything. Not this time. My life has no structure. This post has no structure. We're done here. 

A True Fan

 I finally read Harry Potter for the first time.

(This was actually during the school year but I needed something to blog about)

And of course, I absolutely love it. 
I am now and forever will be a Harry Potter nerd. And by nerd, I mean this:

      Now, I know there's a lot of people who have been with Harry since the very beginning. Of course these people are true fans. I wondered for a while if I could be a true fan or not if I haven't been in it since the beginning, or if I still haven't seen all the movies, or even if I don't absolutely understand everything that I read in the books. While I wondered, I thought to myself I probably wasn't a true fan. And I'm sure many of those that HAVE done the things I haven't wouldn't consider me a true fan either.

But what does it mean to be a true fan?

      True in this sense is defined as loyal, genuine, or sincere in feeling. A fan in this sense is defined as an enthusiastic follower, supporter, or admirer of something. Put them together, and a true fan is someone who genuinely admires, sincerely supports, or loyally follows something. 

Who's to say I'm not a true fan? 

• I genuinely admire the inspiration found within the pages of these books. The words of wisdom mixed within this incredible story make it truly breathtaking. I admire the saga Rowling strung; she weaved an amazing tale in seven separate stories.
• I sincerely support the whole shebang now. I'm in the process of finishing the movies, I've signed up for Pottermore, and I have my own wand sitting in my room.
• I now loyally follow any and all Harry Potter ongoings. 

    

     As silly as this post may be, it still means something to me to consider myself a true fan of something I really love, that makes me so happy, and that inspires me. I hope everyone has a chance to become a true fan of something that does those things for them that Harry Potter has done for me.

.

(goose-bumps, every time.)

Productive?

I like to think so.

        Well, not to sound cliche or anything, but a lot has been going on. This summer alone, I have been able to do a lot of what I like to call "firsts". "Firsts" are things you've done for the very first time. 

Making sense?

So, here are some of my firsts:

• cracked a whip
• shot three different guns
• tried an Indian Paintbrush
• hiked the North Butte
• watched Star Wars
• played the Ocarina of Time
• dominated at spider soccer
• read a self-help book
• went to a drive-in
• hung upside-down on an inversion table
• made sign conversation with a random car on the highway
• discovered Butter Cake, the best cake ever
• completed a whole word-search book
• completed summer school courses
• free-fell 60 feet

        I love firsts. Really though, I've only been busy because of work and school. Yeah, summer school. I've got to make room for all of the stuff I want to do next year! Sometimes, I think I do too much, but really I'm not. My last post? Yeah, I've failed at changing any of my habits. Oh well. All is not lost, because the good thing with habits is that there's never a deadline as to when you can change them. The only deadline on habits is death. So, I'm trying not to stress too much over those.

I'm a bit of a worrier.

        That's alright though! It's just another thing for me to work on. Anyway, I'm rambling now.

I'll just end with this.

It's a Phineas and Ferb kind of summer.

Another Something I Thought Would Never Happen

My last post about my pen-pal started with the sentence, 

"Something I never thought would happen to me is happening in my life."

Well, another something I never thought would happen to me happened in my life today.

A bomb threat at my high school.

        Here's my story; I was sitting in seminary and student council had been in there passing out forms to fill out our votes for next year's council. Brother Williams walked in and said the school was in Code Red, and therefore we wouldn't be able to leave at the normal time. No big deal right? Just another drill in the life of Rigby. So we sat there, finished the lesson, and we were just talking and waiting to be released. Some kids were gathered at the window looking out, but I didn't think anything of it. Well, when Brother Williams came back the second time, we figured we could go. However, he announced that the school was still in code red, and all the seminary kids were to go out the back doors and wait there so we could head to the busses. 

        This is the part where all the kids turn to look at him and say "IT'S REAL?" And he calmly announces there is a bomb threat and we are supposed to go out the back doors. So we do, and we stand there waiting. Luckily for me, I had a good friend in that class with me. We went out the back doors and were standing out there, when my friend realizes that a cop is waving us over. So the two of us start walking to the busses, with the rest of the seminary building following. 

Then the man with the big gun tells us to hustle. 

And so we run to the bus.

        From here, it's pretty uneventful. You can't get much more eventful than that anyway. The busses took us to the junior high, where we waited in them for an hour hearing rumors about shootings and hostages and houses around the high school being evacuated and so on. Finally, we were allowed to go inside the gym and wait for further instruction. The junior high was still in Code Yellow at this point. One of the thoughts that had been running through my head this whole time was, "what is happening with my brothers???" I knew I couldn't do anything about Matthew at Jefferson, I had already texted my parents about it and they were in Idaho Falls, (apparently I was 40 minutes faster at getting the message to them than the school was), but I did know that I could probably do something about Michael seeing as I was at his school. 

        So I set off, trying to find a way to get to him. I found out for sure that they were in Code Yellow, so I knew that he couldn't go anywhere. Then, they made the announcement that kids who normally walk home could go ahead and leave at 3:35. I knew right then and there that he would try to walk to my dad's office at Community Care. I needed to find him fast if I wanted to at all. And I did. However, the main office totally ignored me. I left the office and stood outside, telling that same good friend that they wouldn't listen to me. Almost at that same time, my friend is looking over at the doors. I glance that way, and see Michael walking by. So I hurry over to him, and when he sees me he gives me a big hug. 

I don't blame him. I hugged back.

       After this, we walked to my good friend's house, where his mom took Michael and I back to the high school so I could grab my car. I dropped Michael off at home, made sure Matthew was fine, and headed off to my first day back at work. So. I'm not traumatized. I was scared, but I'm pretty proud of the fact that I didn't panic. I texted both my parents, I kept tabs on my siblings, and I had a good friend to keep me company and keep me calm through it. I'm not scarred for life. In fact, I'm smiling as I type this. Oh, and the bomb? Turns out the threat was a fake, the caller was a fraud, and the school was not going to explode at all. What I have to say is this; in the words of Betty Meeks, 

"All in all, it's been a real unusual day for here."

My Perfect Pen-Pal

Something I never thought would happen to me is happening in my life.

I have a legitimate pen-pal.

And she is perfect.

Meet TAYLOR BEVAN.

          In other words, my Australian sister. She was here in Rigby for a few months as a foreign exchange student, and at times it saddens me to think that I only knew her for the last two of those months that she was here. BUT THEN I THINK AGAIN. Because it would be even more sad for me to not acknowledge how lucky I am to have known her at all. And now that she is back in Australia, I've had all these moments where I think, "if Taylor were here I'd be talking to her about this right now."

Pretty much goes without saying that I miss her.

          But I despair not! Why? Because back around Valentine's Day, I sent her a surprise letter in the mail to start our pen-pal-ship. And just recently, she sent me back a notebook that contained her reply, along with the explanation of her brilliant idea of us keeping a pen-pal journal to send back and forth. Starting to see why she's perfect? Soon, I will be sending my reply back to her, and we will continue on until we fill this journal, and many more to come. Thus begins our pen-pal journey.

What an amazing thing to have in my life. 

          This girl has inspired me so much. And she never fails to amaze me in all that she does. She is magnificent, remarkable, kind, beautiful (obviously), intelligent, wise, caring, fun, hilarious, inspiring (as I said before), talented, heartfelt, and a joy to all those who know her. Honestly, I could continue that list on for quite a while, but when I start thinking of how to describe her... well words just don't really do her justice. They are such small things to describe such a great soul. She is so incredible. And now that I've been able to express a small portion of my feelings for her, I just have one last thought on my mind...

Who gets to keep the journals?

Life's a Dance

You know, things don't always go as planned.

One can't possibly plan ahead for everything in life and expect it to go that way.

I'm learning to be okay with that.

        Sometimes, I just get into this mindset where I think, "okay, I've thought out every possible way this could go, I've planned for everything that could possibly happen, there is no POSSIBLE WAY this could not go how I have planned it out." ..... and I am almost immediately proven wrong. Well, not always. In fact, I'm usually pretty good at planning. This is probably one of the reasons it shakes me up so much when something goes other than I had planned it. 

       Why am I blogging about this? I just tried answering a boy who asked me to the dance in a creative way. Emphasis on TRIED. To make a long story short, I'll skip to the climax of him walking in on me still setting it up. Not cool. It worked out, it just didn't run as smooth as I had hoped it would. There were many complications which just continued to increasingly frustrate me over and over again. I'm still frustrated about it to this moment. 

        But, I'm learning to be okay with it. 

There's a song I really like that refers to life as being a dance. 

This is my favorite part of it:

"The longer I live, the more I believe
You do have to give if you want to receive.
There's a time to listen, a time to talk,
And you might have to crawl even after you walk.
I've had sure things blow up in my face.
Seen the long-shot win the race.
Been knocked down by the slamming door.
Picked myself up and came back for more.

Life's a dance you learn as you go,
Sometimes you lead, and sometimes you follow.
Don't worry about what you don't know,
Life's a dance you learn as you go."

I really love this song. It sends a message I'd like to follow. 

I am going to try to be less frustrated with failed plans.

Life is a dance I'm learning as I go.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

I Can Easily Wreck

"I watched them tearing a building down,

A gang of men in a busy town.

With a ho-heave-ho and lusty yell,

They swung a beam and a sidewall fell.

I asked the foreman, “Are these men skilled,

As the men you’d hire if you had to build?”

He gave me a laugh and said, “No indeed!

Just common labor is all I need.

I can easily wreck in a day or two

What builders have taken a year to do.”

And I tho’t to myself as I went my way,

Which of these two roles have I tried to play?

Am I a builder who works with care,

Measuring life by the rule and square?

Am I shaping my deeds by a well-made plan,

Patiently doing the best I can?

Or am I a wrecker who walks the town,

Content with the labor of tearing down?"

Are you a builder, or a wrecker? 

"I can easily wreck in a day or two what builders have taken a year to do." 

How powerful a statement. 

              At times, we don't really think about what we are doing or saying, or about the impact we have. We assume that one word here, and one word there, can't really be such a terrible thing. Do not think you are this powerless. Never underestimate the power of a kind word. Or your ability to destroy thousands of them with one unkind word. Turn from harmful words, to helpful words. Do all you can to be the best you can for others. "Men are that they might have joy." Who are you to take that away from someone? Who are they to take it away from you? Think about the times when you needed help, and how much one kind thought could lift you up. Think about those who need your help the most. Yes, it can be tiring to constantly build someone up who has a hard time accepting your encouragement, it can be hard to build anyone up. But you may not know how much it means to them, until you stop. Be a builder, who can, brick by brick, help someone reach their full potential. 

Wouldn't you want someone to do it for you?

Police at my Party

It has been quite the week.

Since last sunday, I've gone to bed between the times of 1 and 3 a.m. every night.

This equals a very sleep-deprived Jessica. 

            It was completely worth it because of the Scarlet Pimpernel. This was the first musical I have really ever been in, and it was AMAZING. I'm not even kidding you, it was great. From my one solo line, to my one spoken line, to all my ensemble numbers, to holding my arms in the air for five minutes, it was incredible. It was an amazing musical put on by amazing people. 

Now to my point.

I was having a really crappy day Friday. 

          As I said before, I was running on hardly any sleep. By second hour, everything just bubbled over and I started to have a breakdown. Emphasis on started, because I didn't let it completely happen. Anyway, by show time I was alright and excited to do our last performance and it was GLORIOUS. The crowd was laughing at everything and we were all amazing. Then, it was cast party time! It was the epitome of a party you would see in a show. We sang at the top of our lungs to Adele, kids tried to put together the cream of 71 Oreos between two cookies, people were drawing permanent marker tattoos on each other, we played Mafia and Curses and Capture the Flag. The police even showed up...

Don't freak out. I kinda did.

        I was in my backyard hiding behind a bush and I see everyone going inside. So, I got up to see what was going on and started heading to my house. A guy standing in my yard shines a bright light at me and asks if I live there. I slowly said yes and got closer to see it was a police officer. Wonderful. He said that since I lived there, he could tell me what was going on. I guess the singing and screaming and someone honking they're horn forever trying to get out of my driveway was too much for a bunch of my neighbors, because he said pretty much the whole neighborhood complained about the noise. 

(If you are one of those, I am incredibly sorry. Really, I am, you have no idea.) 

       So he said everyone needed to get inside or he would start writing tickets. He also informed me that if everyone didn't get their cars out of the road they would start being towed. I guess it turns out I talked with the grouchier police officer, because the one my dad talked to seemed more relaxed about everything. In fact, everyone was relaxed about the whole thing, including my parents. Well, it freaked me out! That will be the first and last time the police will ever to show up at one of my parties. Ever.

       I'm alright though.

I got to stay up until 3 skype-ing with Taylor about my day,

which I hadn't told anyone else about,

     so it was good to get it out. 

      It was a great time.

     Wow.

I Put the Pro in Procrastinator

I should obviously not drink Mountain Dew anymore.

Especially not when I'm trying to stay awake to write a speech.

I'm so ADD right now that I can't even focus on my work.

Hence this short, irrelevant blog post.

I put the pro in procrastinator.

This isn't good.

I worked until 10:30 on a poetry project for English.

Definitely the less-important homework to be done.

I had to make sure it was absolutely A worthy.

This was before I even got the Mountain Dew.

I put the pro in procrastinator.

This isn't good.

I went to my grandparent's for dinner tonight as well.

Of course I'd go with my family to eat dinner there.

I love my grandma and grandpa.

I should have brought my homework along though.

I put the pro in procrastinator.

This isn't good.

I am making this blog post much longer than it really needs to be.

I just changed the screen to homework because I thought my mom was coming.

I didn't want her to see that I was writing a blog post instead of working.

I am ashamed; not enough to go back to work though apparently.

I put the pro in procrastinator.

This isn't good.

Okay, I actually I am ashamed enough to go back to work.

And I know I have to finish this speech for tomorrow.

And the Scarlet Pimpernel is tomorrow.

And I reached five paragraphs, which is a good number.

I put the pro in procrastinator.

This is so bad.

Orange Juice

I just love orange juice.

It's bright, it's happy, 

and it helps you feel better.

Especially when you come home from a long day and find this

Isn't she grand?

650 Paperclips Later...

I made a chandelier.

Out of 650 or so paperclips.

And I'm pretty proud of it.

Why did I make it? Allow me to enlighten you :)

I am currently taking the dreaded Speech class in my school. 

It's dreaded because Mr. Cortes 

"demands perfection"

Seriously, there's a plaque in his room that says that.

            I actually really enjoy it though. As hard as everyone has said it's going to be, I am enjoying it so far. I've learned a lot about myself, listening, communicating, and things as such. I love the class because it is a higher level of thinking. I sit there and literally soak it all in! 

           Anyway, our first speech assignment is called the Shield Speech. In the medieval days, knights would decorate their shields to represent who they were, where they came from, and what they stood for. That's what we're supposed to do for our speech. Create our own shield that represents us, and speak about it in front of the class. I really had a tough time thinking of what to do for me, just because I don't like doing these things for me. Don't get me wrong, I love finding out more about myself because it helps me grow as a person, it's when I have to talk/display myself for other people that I don't enjoy it so much... But anyway, I finally decided I would make myself into a chandelier.

I have three points: 

a chandelier takes in light and provides it for others, 

is made up of many different parts, 

and is beautiful despite it's imperfections.

          A chandelier's purpose is to light up a room, and even when the chandelier isn't on, it reflects the light around it. It doesn't stop light, it lets it freely flow through it's crystal pieces. In my life, I try to always soak in the light and bring it to others around me. I want people to feel light and find light in my presence. I want people to bring people joy.

         It's all of the different parts that make up a chandelier, and it's all the different things about me that make me who I am. I am a whole lot of things, hence my earlier post about I Am, so I won't list a whole lot of them. Though the individual pieces are interesting, it's all the pieces put together that make a chandelier what it is. Same with me.

         And lastly, a chandelier is beautiful despite its imperfections. It doesn't have it's own light, it has to get it from a bigger power source. I get my light from my bigger power source: the gospel. Also, a chandelier's bulb can burn out. Likewise, I can get sick and tired and run down. But the good news is that when the light bulb gets burned out, you can replace (or in my case, recharge) it and the bigger power source is still there.  

These are the things I believe make me like a chandelier.

Here's to hoping my speech goes well.

Opportunities

 I truly believe opportunities are constantly surrounding us. Always. It's whether or not we see them there; and if we do see them there, whether or not we take them.

Topsy Turvy Broadway was one of the biggest opportunities I've had in my high school career.

 It wasn't the first time I've done an unpublished show, or the first time I've written something for a show, 

(that was Emotionography last year), but it was full of a lot of firsts for me:

It was the first time I directed something.

It was the first time I choreographed something.

It was the first time I rewrote a song for a show.

It was the first time I somewhat casted something.

It was the first time I wasn't completely prepared.

And, it was the first time I've ever sang in a show.

And now that it's said and done, I can't help but think of how amazing it was.

It's really a fun thing to think about how much I was able to do because of this show. I mean, how many other people can say that a parody they rewrote with somebody actually became a number in a show?

How many people can say they choreographed a dance in said show that actually made people laugh?

Not many, I'll tell you that. At least, not many high school kids anyway.

I'm lucky.

But then again, it isn't all luck. It was opportunity. Because of amazing people in my life, I had the opportunity to do this amazing show, an opportunity I would have forever regretted not taking.

My next big opportunity = directing a show. And I'm taking it.

I Am

I am tired.

I am awake.

I am alive.

I am.

I am involved.

I am inspired.

I am responsible.

I am intelligent.

I am resourceful.

I am accepting.

I am compassionate.

I am.

I am insane.

I am unorganized.

I am stressed.

I am a procrastinator

I am flawed.

I am a worrier.

I am lazy.

I am.

I am important.

I am cared for.

I am accepted.

I am loved.

I am.

Who I am and what I do are two very different things.

I am more than all of this.

I am Jessica.

I am. 

The Christmas Sweater

This post will probably be the most selfish, just for me post that I will hopefully ever write.

I have not been happy. 

Now don't get me wrong, I've most definitely had my happy moments, happy days, and happy times. But when I am alone, just by myself, my smile has been gone. This has been a very strange experience for me for the past little while. I haven't known what to do. I was able to be completely happily myself in the happy moments, but in the quiet moments I just didn't understand why I wasn't happy. 

Today, I figured it out.

I figured it out, because I spent all today reading this book.

This is the first book that I have EVER cried while reading. Maybe it's because my emotions were running high, maybe it's because the book is amazing, maybe it's because I'm weird, but this book is the first to ever make me cry. It has some really deep profound stuff in it. Some stuff I really needed to hear.

There's one part that talks about a storm...

"I can't. I'll just wait until it passes, I'm safe here."

"Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing that you are worthy of the trip."

"Am I worthy?"

"Yes. Unquestionably, irrevocably yes."

"Does everyone have to go through the storm?"

"Yes, sooner or later. But no one has ever been lost to the storm, just lost in it. 

What most people don't realize is that you don't have to fight the storm,

 you just have to stop feeding it; stop giving it power over you."

"Will there be other storms?"

"Yes. Unquestionably, irrevocably yes."

"What if next time I'm too afraid?"

"Remember, no one who has passed through the storm has ever regretted the journey. 

No one ever stands here and wishes to go back to the other side."

I have been lost in my storm. A storm I have created for myself. But luckily, I haven't lost to it. In fact, after tonight, I'm pretty sure I will be coming out of it. In fact, I think I already am, because as I type this, I'm smiling. And it's a smile that's purely for me. Because guess what, right now, I'm happy. 

I plan on keeping it that way.

Will there be other storms? Of course, and I very well know there will be. But guess what world? I think I'm ready for them now. I have family, I have friends, and most of all, I have me. And nobody but me can keep me truly happy. I am making changes so that I can stay happy too. Am I happy?

Yes. Unquestionably, irrevocably yes.

Like a Flamingo

I love Sunday. 

                Today, we talked about flamingos. Did you know flamingos aren't just naturally pink? Some are lighter, some are darker, some can even be white. Flamingos are only pink when they eat the right nutrients that their bodies need to produce their pink pigment.

I want to feast like a flamingo.

              Flamingos aren't ashamed of their pink color. If they eat right, you can tell because they will be florescent pink. They don't try to hide their pink color, that's what makes them unique! No one really wants to see a white flamingo, or a light pink one, we want to see bright pink pretty healthy flamingos!

I want to feast like a flamingo.

             Now, put this in a gospel (or life) perspective. When you are doing the right things, the things you love, and make you happy, it shows in your countenance. People see it. People can see when you just have the glow of life around you.

I want to feast like a flamingo.

             Don't be ashamed of your color. Do what makes you happy, and what makes you glow. Remember to be like a flamingo. Be happy with who you are, and do what you love! Only then can you really be happy. I've found that there are always things that have to be done. And even though you have to do them, they may not be something you want to do. Yet, they have to be done. The important thing is to make sure there is time for YOU between all those things. A flamingo has to eat, but the happy ones eat what makes them shine their brightest. Do what makes you shine YOUR brightest.

Feast like a flamingo.